where there is hatred, let me sow love.

an update, of sorts.

2009-12-18T21:01:00.001-06:00

I feel it necessary to update you all on the happenings of my life since I've been seemingly absent.

Though now I sit here, keys at my fingertips, and I have no idea what to type.

I am growing up, life is happening, I am on this winding road of self-discovery. The season I most readily talked about before, was one that consisted only of me and the Lord [or so I thought]. Well, that season is now over and I am in the midst of transitioning from disconnection from the world to a series of reconnection. In short, it just requires a lot of trust, but has brought with it this wonderful feeling of independence.

I am an adult and this is the first year it has truly felt that way. I always thought that I would be freaked out when this stage of my life decided to show its face…but it’s actually really lovely. I am enjoying myself…and I’m blessed enough to have some incredible new friends embarking on this same experience. We are doing life together and I love every second of it.

From the loss of the World Orphans job, to coming back on staff at Lake Pointe... the loss of two best friends, one right after the other... God placing a beautiful, brown eyed 3 month old in my life and her sweet African family, to her death... I’ve been searching for an explanation to figure out just why all of this is happening at once. Why does the word "broken" completely define the year 2009? 2009, all around, was a time of brokenness. A time where satan would discourage, and the Lord would encourage... but then satan swoops in, once again, and discourages. What I’ve learned regarding satan’s character... is that he knows exactly where to attack, exactly what to say and when to say it.

Someone said something a few months ago, about how I "wasn’t strong enough", and the phrase "you weren’t strong enough" has been the words that have stuck with me. satan has used that phrase over and over this year. "you’re NOT strong enough", "you CAN’T do this", "what do YOU have to offer?" especially with Livela’s death. Driving to the refugee complex after I heard of the baby’s passing, the common theme that was playing in my head was all of those lies. "You’re not strong enough", was the main one. Arriving early to the funeral, even before the family did... sitting in the room with the lifeless child I held only a week prior... I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me and I didn’t have strength.

I’ve had numerous people communicate to me that my brokenness is beautiful. I didn’t understand it when I first heard it. How can brokenness be a good thing? It’s messy and ugly and sad. The majority of my life I have ignored pain. I have bottled it inside of me. I have believed the lie that by being a Christian, you must never be in pain. Throughout this year, I believe He has been telling me that ignoring pain is not equivalent to not hurting.

I have mistakenly adopted the crooked notion that if I am to be happy, joyful, and confident in Christ, I am not allowed to hurt…that somehow, the very act of hurting means I am not giving all power over my life to the Lord, but instead, some lies at the hand of the earthly being who is causing my pain [or, at times, that person is me]. Now I see how skewed that belief is; Because hurting is not an act…it is a feeling, a feeling that stems from emotions. Emotions that are dictated by circumstances-dare I say, most commonly: Relationships [people!]. And what does submitting to the pain bring? Feelings of weakness, of failure. BUT, God made me human. He made me flawed; thus, He made me weak. My petty attempts to deny those very facts reveal nothing but my inability to embrace what the Lord has created me to be. It is a meager attempt to deny any animalistic, or human, part of who I am and embrace only the angelic aspects.

I see now that in denying my humanity, I am, more or less, denouncing my confidence and faithfulness in the intentionality of the Lord’s creations. His SOVEREIGNTY! And the act of suppressing my pain and hurt does not demolish those dark feelings, but rather stores them deep within the confines of my physical body, only to leave them festering and building up, preparing for an inevitable explosion. Leading way to an outcome that is destructive, at best.

I have concluded that it is, in fact, okay to hurt; it is okay to acknowledge my own weakness. So yes, due to the unpleasant circumstances that have thrusted themselves upon me as of recent, I am hurting. But I am still indubitably happy, joyful, and confident in Christ. I love where my life is at. I love who I have become; who the Lord has molded me in to. I love this year... 2009, despite it being defined as a year of brokenness. I trust with every tiny fiber of my being that my brokenness will come to an end. It’s already beginning to.

Our relationship is becoming more personal, because I am finally letting Him reach me. He has taken away these distractions for my benefit. It has hurt, it has stripped me of 3 people, whom I love... but He is faithful. And just as He has been faithful to me in the past, He will continue to be that constant in my life.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

The lesson I’ve learned: A broken heart is one that is in exactly the right spot. For brokenness makes way for healing and for change. God cannot work in a heart that is not willing to first break for Him.

I love you.

Elizabeth

2009-11-03T11:34:00.002-06:00

The rain brings comfort and refreshment. The past few weeks, I've been listening to it… and I am reminded of my desperate need for this beautiful God who offers both to me. I need some comfort…I need some refreshment. I can’t continue to do this on my own. I’ve been crawling through this desert for way too long. Why have I allowed myself to believe that God wouldn’t carry me, like He promised? I’m so sorry for doubting and ignoring you, Lord. My sin, my hurt, my life is in your hands. I trust you. Praising you in ALL things…

new family

2009-10-09T20:22:00.004-05:00

Justas and Cosilia [parents]

Tatizo – male – 13 yrs

Valeria – female – 11 yrs

Bugenia– female – 8 yrs

Esperance – female – 4 yrs

Jimi – male – 2 yr

and there is a new baby...

they are from burundi, and i meet them this wednesday. :)

who's stoked? me.

reflex

2009-09-14T16:31:00.000-05:00

for a period, i felt like i needed a new blog because of a new season. i do this everytime something life-altering happens. i've resorted back to this familiar one, due to my realization that i tend to run. i run from anything reminescent of the old. this blog didn't "feel" like "me" anymore. the posts were so light-hearted, at the time, and lately, i've been feeling anything but. little did i realize, as i was running away from the familiarity of this blog - i was actually running away from the entries. i didn't want to be reminded of the good, because that definition of "good" was no more. i'm realizing that "good" hasn't ceased to be, but that my definition of "the good" has altered itself. by stifling any memory, by not allowing myself to remember - i was continuing to harden my heart and put up this ridiculous and uncalled for guard.

Christ was all anguish that I might be all joy.

2009-07-20T14:59:00.002-05:00

So... I’m beginning to grasp more and more of His plan. The past month I’ve been in a constant state of being reassured by the Spirit: “ Elizabeth , beloved, trust ME… obey ME… sacrifice for ME”. The things He wanted me to step away from were exactly the things that made me happy and comfortable.

My job :: God placed me in this job with World Orphans, knowing full well what I was and wasn’t capable of. He showed me, through this job, what He was capable of doing through me… despite my fears and questions. I realized just what it meant to follow blindly and what the act of obedience can accomplish. God is sovereign and He is constantly proving that. The job with World Orphans was so intricately designed for me. It was everything I saw myself doing, and though I didn’t know how to do everything and felt overwhelmed at times – I had never felt so centered in His will. When Rod told me that we were being laid off, it crushed me. I didn’t understand why, and was actually doubting God… thinking He led me astray. I realize now, through various affirmations, that this was a faith venture. Following the layoff, I spent a lot of time in The Word for some sense of direction. I craved an answer that I knew would only come from the Voice [His Word]. The answer that kept staring me boldly in the face, as I perused the new testament, was “Child, get up. Have faith”. At the time, I’ll be honest, that was the last thing I wanted to hear. I wanted a clear cut “ Elizabeth , do this”, but God doesn’t concern Himself with making me comfortable… His main concern is making me holy.

So, weeks went by and I started becoming comfortable again… I had a sense of peace regarding my job situation, and an assurance that the safest place to be is in the center of His will. God said “wait, I’m not done. Now you must give up something that’s become a beautiful part of your life. Something you have put before me. Something that was starting to damage your heart and spirit”.

“Anything but that, God”

My community :: I realized, through convicting conversations with a few inspiring women in my life, that a friendship was getting to be too much. God made it clear that I was to say goodbye. I spent months in deep prayer, pleading with God to not ask this of me... not understanding why He would do such a thing. My heart was so conflicted and I kept going back and forth on my decision for months. The Lord finally made it clear that this friendship was not healthy, although there were aspects that were. Ultimately we were both limiting ourselves from community outside of our elite bubble and not following God's mandate for community. I stepped back from [what I thought] was my best friend. The next day was an entire day devoted to my Kleenex box and [again] His Voice. Opened up the familiar new testament, once again, and was reminded of the tear stained, highlighted orange words of my recent conversation with God… when I was freaking out about my job situation.

“Child, get up. Have faith”.

Everyone I’ve confided in recently has said similar things: “You’re so brave”, “You’re wise beyond your years”, “You are inspiring”. Though I appreciate those sentiments, I’m reminded of my sob filled prayers “God, I don’t understand why you’re doing this!” and my naïve “God, I’ve given up so much already? You’re really asking for something else?” and I catch myself… Did I really ask God that? How selfish of me to question why I must obey and sacrifice when He sacrificed His own life so that we may live? Selfish. We are called to “take up our cross and follow Him”, and I’m finding that, right now, that means giving up everything I love to continue in the process of sanctification.

The process isn't easy, by any means... I feel like I've started over in so many ways [community, job, etc] and satan has really been attacking my spirit into believing "Elizabeth, you have failed", and I have to stop myself from believing that I'm the reason things aren't going my way, and trust that the safest place to be is in the center of His will.

In other news, the team left for Rwanda today. My heart breaks, but I am still trying to give that ache over to Him for glorification. Something's bound to come out of my obedience, right?

wedding stuff. job stuff. getting lost stuff. oh my!

2009-06-21T20:26:00.004-05:00

well, here goes.

my supervisor and i were laid off last friday. it crushed me. i have been in the "mourning" process for a little over a week now. with these questions in mind:

did i not originally seek your will in the decision to leave my secure job at lake pointe and accept the offer with world orphans?

why now?

what's the lesson here?

this job was practically my dream job. working for an organization with the same exact vision i have. doing something with the passion i have in my heart. doing something that i believe in, fully. the day after rod told me that we were laid off, i left for a [previously scheduled] vacation. i drove two hours and cried to God... "what are you doing? why keep me from doing a job that was so intricately designed with me in mind?"

through the past week, i've learned a few lessons:

trust. trusting that God is sovereign all the time. He leaves no part left behind.
he knows my heart. fully. though this might not be where i saw myself or what i wanted, it is where He's lead me and He will continue to, even when i'm frustrated and mad at Him.

the safest place to be is in the center of His will. this is what i always say... thomas had to remind me of this fact, and it's funny because it's something i always tell him.

i'm going to be fine. though i can't imagine doing anything else but that and everything else just seems so mundane and ordinary... [and plus, telling people i'm an "admin" is a lot less cool than saying "director of operations for world orphans" and then getting to rant on and on about how i love the organization and love my job... but maybe that's a pride thing].

to add more happenings to my week... [i really think satan was "kicking me when i was down"]. though His grace is always sufficient... i'm learning to laugh about it all now:

i got a ticket. my first. 3 days after i was laid off. [35mph in a 25mph]. i am a real menace to society, ya'll. i always imagined my first speeding ticket to be cooler... ya' know... like "driving into oncoming traffic" or "90 in a 45"... but 35 in a 25???

found out i'm not going to rwanda because of the layoff [was leaving in a month. ticket bought]

i got severely lost for 3 hours. [story below]

okay. so. the resort i stayed at was 45 minutes from miss. carew... so i was like "uuumm, i can't be this close and not go see her", so i drove down - we had fun shopping for bacholerette gifts... well, i leave her house around midnight. i tried to go back the way i came but it was not working out. i drove and drove and drove... turned around and stopped at a 24hour whataburger...

"hi! i'm really lost, can you help me?"

"first of all, i'm bob. nice to meet you lost!"

[insert a look of "that's really not funny. i'm tired, it's late and i'm lost and you're being an idiot!!!!]

"heh........... well, i need to find 80"

"okay, okay... you're going to take a left at this light and keep going until you end up in mineola"

"perfect. great. thanks"

well, i took that road.

for an hour.

ended up in canton???? seriously... canton. turned back around... went into a gas station. guy was half asleep, had no idea where 80 was... left. found another gas station... with an indian man at the counter.

"hi! i'm really lost. i need to find 80"

"okay! okay! i help you. what you need to fine'?"

"....uh......... 80........... hi-highway 80?"

"oh. um. i cannot help you. i have map?"

"oh. perfect. i'd love to see a map."

"okay. you buy something first, yeah?"

"....................um. k.... i'll buy a drink......."

"okay, okay... map is on back wall..."

[i start studying the map...]

"sir.... this is a map of tyler............ i.. uh, need OUT of tyler..."

ahhh! i managed to finally find my resort, but was lost for 3 hours!!! 12am to 3am. i pulled over in frustration and sobbed. haha.

drove home a day early to begin my weekend of activities.

bacholerette party for miss lauren. so fun. buca de bepo and fun conversation.

friday night. me, kyla and thomas went out to lindale to see cody perform at a coffee shop. erika met us there. okay. this is how thoughtful my friends are... despite the fact that i'd been receiving messages/calls from erika assuring me it's going to be okay, thomas sending my encouraging verses and words of wisdom every day... kyla informed me that our friend [hers first] cody would be playing a "special song" tonight. "oh.. well, that's great, kyla"... so he got up to play his set, and after a few songs, i was distracted with my phone or conversation or something and he began a new song and kyla nudged me saying "here it is!".... "okay, that's great kyla!" [haha] and tried to finish up whatever i was doing [texting?]. the song was my theme song! [for the clueless, my special few know my theme song is "all these things that i've done", by the killers]. cody totally pulled that song off, though he had never played it or paid attention to it before, he was awesome! and we all sang it loudly with him! oh, SO MUCH FUN and SO thoughtful. definitely made my week. [THANK YOU CODY AND KYLA!]

the next day was my day of weddings. erika and i met and got ready before meeting thomas for lunch at bistro. erika was my "date" to lauren's wedding at 2pm. laur was beautiful!

my original "date" to my 7pm wedding [kyla] ended up having to work, so thomas volunteered even though he hates weddings [what a thoughtful friend!]. it was fun... we ended the night by trying a new restaraunt at northpark [loved].

to conclude:

God is sovereign. i'm thankful for the unknown... it challenges me to cling to Him and trust in Him. my friends are the best. BEST. and such a comfort and secure group. don't get lost in tyler. don't leave pennies on your leather car seat when it's 100+ when you're wearing a dress. don't leave candles in your car, either. pick comfortable shoes when you know you'll be in them for 14 hours straight.

love and shalom! muah

promise not to promise anymore

2009-06-10T22:11:00.002-05:00

nobody blogs anymore. which has made me less apt to blogging, as well.

so far, june has been filled with the following:

- long walks with two year olds in seach for "white-nin bugs".
- dallas. crookedtrees. one way streets.
- erika. stephen. katie. thomas. refugee kids. kyla.
- buzzbrews. fun waitors.
- fake eyelashes.
- random weekend job offer...?
- sweet woman from tanzania and good conversation with her.
- acceptance of random weekend job offer...? yes huh.
- a tan. ish. more where that came from.
- invitations, invitations, more invitations.
- jury summons.
- weddings, bridal showers, bachelorettes, baby showers, graduations
- God's grace.
- His continual ability to prove Himself to me in unique, but very real, ways.

this is the sound of voices [two]

2009-05-26T21:36:00.000-05:00

isn’t summer supposed to be the time you’re able to sleep a little?

i don’t really have much of an update… all of the things i could update you on require a lot of additional back stories. we’ll just go with lessons learned. an overview:

there’s that saying that people use to try to encourage you not to put your faith in people. i’ve become so apathetic towards the statement “people will always let you down”, because it’s just so overplayed. sure, people will… but it’s our response to those “letdowns” that really make the difference? if i choose to handle a situation with grace, being slow to anger [even when i, seemingly, have all the reason in the world to be offended and angry], what difference does that even make? i look like a two year old, and am able to vent? no, thanks. pride is not pretty. humility and grace, on the other hand…

i’m a terrible chatter. terrible. so, forgive me if i accidentally leave my facebook chat open only to ignore you. i’m terrible at chit chat. “how’s it going?” questions are conversations i tend to avoid. call me a snob, but i think both of our time is too precious to waste in unfulfilling/pointless conversations that we will probably have again next time i [unknowingly] leave my chat open. i’m not really a snob, i promise. [this also goes for phone calls]

memorial day at the woodalls was a lovely time. people, people everywhere. thomas and i were able to catch up on LOST, finally! gosh. i hate that show, but will be the first to admit i’m so ready for the season premiere… come on 2010! stephen, you missed out on 1am thomas+elizabeth conversation. topics varied… from test tube babies, predestination, variances in the way different veins look, annoyances [the endless list] and theology. a wide array, indeed. sleep really wasn’t an option at that point. another hour and i would’ve been there for 12 hours! do i even have a life? not too sure one exists… hmm.

june 5th… mark your calendars. crookedtree at 7pm. buzzbrews after. a friend of mine is playing a set! come one, come all!

i’m officially going to rwanda! bought my ticket this week! aahhh!!

and i have a dilemma that i’m wondering whether or not to divulge…

accidental gigantic muffins

2009-05-23T17:05:00.003-05:00

um.

so.

this happened:

my banana muffins morphed into some large, unknown creature.

new?

2009-05-14T13:29:00.006-05:00

So... Thomas was right, and I was WRONG! I'm so disturbed! Erika [especially] read this article!

I found this shirt, and will be purchasing soon.

I found out about this. I want to attend. Good news - World Orphans is having a booth!

My new favorite shop and a new fave blog.

ouch

2009-05-11T14:56:00.000-05:00

i am a snob.

2009-05-02T14:58:00.002-05:00

favorite things:
- erika carew.
- uplifting/convicting discussions with the above person.
- laughing at what not to wear victims with favorite [thanks at&t].
- goodbye by kristinia debarge. nananana nananana heyheyhey, goodbyeee!
- little girls giggling in excitement for getting to ride in my car with the top down.
- it's grass mowing season. so the smell of freshly cut grass is back.
- proving myself to skeptics.
- branching out, trying new things.
- long drives by myself.

confessions:
- i just downloaded an eminem song. ew. but i love it.
- sometimes [alot of the time] my earthly self gets anxious and overwhelmed and she acts in a not-so-uplifting way.
- the whole "proving myself to skeptics" favorite thing probably was not a very gracious thing, but more of a pride thing and i recognize that.
- i have become an extremely judgmental person. my goal from here on out is to try to derail conversations that could become a conversation in which we [i] talk in a negative way about someone. [keep me accountable, those that know me!] i've found that it takes more effort to talk in a negative way about a person than saying nothing at all. so... silence it is."Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others, we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as ourselves". - Dietrich Bonhoeffer
- pride pride pride. i can be such a snob.

exciting happening:
- tuesday night. an event will be happening, and i'm kind of freaking out with excitement/fear/"why am i doing this?", but it's sure to be a good happening. and i will blog about it on wednesday.

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” Nelson Mandela

guhmernin

2009-04-27T11:30:00.005-05:00

this is what happens when your sunday is non-stop. you finally see your bed, decide to sit... wake up 8 hours later with your makeup/clothes on and hair looking like this:

don't stand idly by

2009-04-24T00:02:00.002-05:00

It is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are the result of previous study?

motivation, motivation... where have you run off to?

2009-04-22T15:58:00.004-05:00

motivation to blog has not been there, lately. what is up with that!

so, i finally succumbed to watch slumdog millionaire [yaayyy redbox, housesitting and media rooms]. it was good. latika is gorgeous. music is AMAZING. WOW. all around great movie. now i want to go to india. not to mention the fact that my boss lent me some of his cd's from kurdistan, senegal and *badumpsh* india!

so... i want to go to india! [calcutta, preferably]

so, me and a favorite were talking about dream weddings the other day [after attending one of 6 wedding showers of the summer... these things just come up in conversation]. i've determined that i am the most non-typical girl. i don't really have a "vision" of my "dream wedding" and am kind of liking the idea of going against "typical" or "traditional". although... typical - i do see calla lilies. lots and lots of calla lilies. and white lanterns. and barefoot. that's all.

speaking of weddings. i have 6 weddings to attend and a baby shower. 3 of which are on the same day!!! [????] "how does that happen??!?!" -DOT

the space bar on my phone died [overuse? ellipses are to blame, i think]. so it takes me about 2 minutes to respond to a text message.

strawberries have been my new addiction lately. the majority of my lunches this week consisted of a bowl of tiny red dollops of heavenly.

[/insert title here]

2009-04-17T23:33:00.003-05:00

i bought a dress.

as well as a pair of gold, jesus sandals [love]

and a birdcage pendant [that will be a necklace in 10 minutes, i'm sure]

talked to erika for awhile last night while wandering around hobby lobby [aimlessly].

woodall days are favorites. favorites. stephen and i know what fuschia is...

i redboxed the movie "australia"... so far, i like. but anything with hugh jackman is a win.

the girls i watched tonight accidentally turned on the stereo system SUPER loud... and i've had a weird [metal] taste in my mouth since. weird?

tommorrow, i have a very full day. :)
1) get up
2) head out to heath [where i'm housesitting for the week]
3) a little oswald chambers, rob bell... sunshine [hopeful].
4) tea
5) nice, long bath before church
6) church
7) dinner? i'm craving a blue canyon ceasar. poooo, stephen, you'll be at prom.

truth

2009-04-16T23:28:00.000-05:00

flat tires, eyelashes, hairspray - oh my!

2009-04-13T19:01:00.002-05:00

the last 4 days consisted of these.

friday, i went over to the house of poems for a carew photoshoot. what a fun day! i love doing crazy hair and makeup. i teased jenny's hair and it was this huge [amazing!!!] ball of fun. it looked great on jenny. friday night consisted of the passover dinner [which consisted of woodall snide comments, grape juice, laughing, grape juice, parsley, grape juice, gum, grape juice].

saturday & sunday - easter celebrations. family. church. family. food [lots of red meat... typically, would be a plus for the average person. unless you don't eat much red meat = moi]. little children biting, exloding diapers and one very tiny [adorable] new baby. most new babies are scary looking. this one came out looking like an adorable little old man with stephen hair [yes, stephen... this baby had your style. only darker].

today - go to work. leave around lunch time to spend some time in books/thought at the ridge rd starbucks. little did i know that wouldn't be my fate this day [ehhh... sentence structure?].

flat tire. yay.

so, i look at the tire for what seems like an eternity [wondering if my frustration could muster up a force that would un-flatten my tire]. finally, i decide to call... who? ....my mom [of course]. she says "i'll be right there, and we'll put the spare on!". so, i'm waiting outside my car [looking like a completely LOST girl... who knows nothing about cars. embarassing]... so many men offer to help, and i assure them "i'm fine. i've called someone". so my "someone" shows up, we hit up subway for a quick lunch while we decide if we're replacing the spare ourselves, or waiting on the man of our house to come fix it. we decide that we're capable women... and don't need a man!

editeditedit

"The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense." -- Jane Austen

highlights

2009-04-06T10:54:00.001-05:00

Month wrap-up anyone? Well, the highlights… I’ve become so bad at blogging!
Beavers Bend – Last weekend. Fun drive down there with Erika… good conversation and loud music. Hah. We checked into a hotel for the night [a cheap one] that ended up being “hotel creepers”… we made a fort in front of the doors to keep the creepers away… or disable them from entering the room without making a huge bang! The rest of the weekend was different, but ended on a good note.

Thursday – Friday
I worked from home [how I love that! I actually get so much done!] Friday, I met those Woodall boys for lunch… after much needed Woodall entertainment, Stephen left [boooooo!] and Thomas and I went back to the office so I could get some work done [which was a little hard, seeing as though he was high off his venti doubleshot no classic two splenda]… ha! Finished up there, then I tagged along while he ran dallas errands [which consisted of REI, Buffalo Exchange and ammunition shopping… such an eclectic task list!]. I felt sketchy walking into a store and asking for bullets. I did a lot of really great people watching at REI and Buffalo Exchange [wow!]. Stephen, talk the brother of yours into purchasing the fedora he rented and start incorporating that into his wardrobe. K? k. :)

After that, we went to see the eldest Woodall child [I haven’t seen her in YEARSSSS! It had been forever] and waited at her apartment for Erika to meet us for dinner. We chose Blue Mesa [Thomas and I had gone there the week before… but it was worth the repetition. Or so we thought], sat down and was greeted by creeper mccreeperson… the most awkward waitor I’ve ever experienced. Thomas wrote a number of suggestions on his receipt!!! THEN…. THEN….. we were sitting and talking, and noticed a girl waitortress sweeping chips off of the chip warmer… “okay”, we thought, “must be the chip broom…”….. um. NOPE. She then proceeds to sweep… yep, you guessed it, the FLOOR! Eeeeeeeeeew. We freaked out for a few minutes, then all nodded and said “ah, that won’t stop me from coming here!” haha.

We drove Erika back to her car, then we headed back to rockwall to drop me off at mine. Erika went home to study [another boooo!] and we went to the house of poems to watch transformers [Thomas was flabbergasted when he learned I had never seen it! “we MUST fix it!”] so I drove ahead of him, and he followed back to poetry.
Sidenote: My car attracts bunnies. I can’t even begin to tell you the number of deceased bunnies due to the magnet that seems to be my green mustang. It’s a known fact in the house of poems.

I’m driving along… Thomas tailgating [TERRIBLE TAILGATER!]…. Just drivin’…. When I see this cute little bunny hop out inches from my front tire!! I brake, and swerve [see, I TRY not to hit them…] and the bunny stops, looks at my car and runs the other way!! Haha.

Transformers – it’s a boy movie. But a good one, actually. I left early [around 10] since I had to be right back at the house of poems bright an early!
Saturday – woke up at 5:30. That is not a time I’m comfortable waking up. Just… yeah. No. No. We were supposed to meet at the house of poems for gun class at 8:00 [I planned on leaving my house at 7… because I’m often late, and did NOT want to be the reason we were late to gun class in pecan… er… peeeecon according to Erika, gap]. Well, we drive out to peeeeecon gap to this guys house [cornetius is the name] and get taught about gun safety with the faint background noise of teenager video games playing. 3 and a half hours of tests and talking – not too bad, actually.
Then we get to the part I was really excited about. The actual shooting portion of the day. Cornetius is telling us to “load the magazine, lock it, blah blah blah” and I’m feeling heart palpitations “uhhh!!!!! Wait wait WAAAAIIITTT… I don’t even know how to hold a gun or what those terms mean, honey!!” Thomas and Erika proceed to show me gun basics of: how to hold it, how to lock it, how to put the magazine in… and we’re good to go! Then Cornetius lines us up a few feet from the targets and says “okay, you’re going to fire 3 shots, one round! GO!” I hesitate until I hear shots being fired from the surrounding favorites. I shoot. And figure out I have terrible aim. We do that for a little bit, all the while stepping farther from the target… I kept feeling and seeing Thomas and erikas shells [thinking they were bullets, and I was going to die!] hit me and go past my face! After that was over, we went to thomas’ grandmothers house for lunch [okay, she’s the cutest thing ever!] Stephen, share?

After that, Thomas and I go back to the house of poems to finish the riveting movie [transformers], as my hands and ears are still buzzing. WOW. That movie… trucks, aliens and girls! ROAR! Very much a boy movie – but not as bad as I was expecting! We talked about stupid stuff until it was time for church. I drive to pick up starbucks for the two of us, and Thomas heads to church… I pull into the parking lot and OH MY GOSH – It’s packed! It looked like people were early for easter! What in the world… As I’m balancing starbucks in my hand, while driving, my phone [which is in my pocket] vibrates… After some even better balancing, I manage to answer my phone and its Thomas saying

“I found you a parking space!”
“uhhh???”
“yep, I’m standing in it”
“…are you seriously standing in an empty parking space?”
“mmhmm…”

So… Thomas became THAT PERSON… who saves parking spaces on Saturday. For shame… but I got a good parking space out of it. Ha.

Not going to talk about the service – we’ll just explain with: I was disappointed, and leave it at that.

Yesterday [Sunday], Thomas asked me to meet him at target to buy makeup for his photoshoot with Katie later on that night… we went to two different stores looking for a particular kind of makeup and ended up improvising. Went to starbucks to work a little bit, but brett showed up and ruined all attemps at working [replaced it with fun conversation, though, so that was fine]. Then Thomas, Katie and I went out to Commerce to do Katie’s photoshoot – wow! It ended up AMAZING! Great shots. GREAT shots. He is talent, and she is gorgeous!

in other news... i have 5, yes FIVE, weddings to attend this summer. FIVE.

And this is the longest blog entry in the history of blogging.

Shalom!

badumpsshhh.

2009-03-30T18:40:00.004-05:00

Random relationship vent. I'm tired of people rushing into relationships just because it's the "thing to do". For me, I don't want to enter into a serious relationship until I can look at myself, know that I am where I should be emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Until I can look at myself and know that I will give as much (or more) to the relationship than I will take. Relationships take a lot of work and entering into one because you are a certain age or because it is expected by your family/friends/coworkers/pets is ridiculous and misguided.

So, you're single. Big deal. Enjoy it. Cherish this time. And please, for goodness sake, stop complaining and seeking out a relationship with anything that appears interested.

[Disclaimer: this is not directed at anyone in particular. Just my generation]

"Jesus for President" on the brain.

2009-03-18T15:26:00.003-05:00

http://jesusforpresident.org/

seriously?

2009-03-08T10:09:00.002-05:00

wull... guh'mernin' to you too.

happy ghana dinner day!

2009-03-06T09:34:00.004-06:00

it's finally here!

and it's only 9:35 in the morning, and the shoes i chose are already killing me! what to do... what to do...!

pray that His will be done tonight, guys, whatever that might be!

also... saw a facebook status today that stated this statistic “if 1% of Christians sponsored a child, there would be no child going hungry or thirsty in the world”

well... that is a completely unresearched assumption that we [as Christians] like to advertise to make it seem like not such a big issue. poverty and orphans are one of the biggest, most overwhelming injustices in the world today...

The breakdown… 2.1 billion Christians in the world [which is 1/3 of the world population]... 1% of 2.1 billion is 21 million… there are over 143 million orphans in the world today…

21 million =/= 143+ million

why do we make assumptions without researching!

skype'n

2009-03-04T13:05:00.003-06:00

the project today was to get a webcam and figure out to delve into the world known as "video calling". after several frustrating attempts [and failures], i posed the question to the twitter world... lo' and behold, our very own stephen had words of wisdom: "google it". needless to say, he was right!

oh, and congratulations to the love of my life. miss erika carew. you are amazing!

she's pretty.

2009-03-01T16:18:00.003-06:00

well, this is what i'm now thinking about investing in. a nikon D60. isn't she gorgeous! i'm keeping a little bit of my tax refund to start saving up for it [of course, the majority of the refund is going to my parents for safekeeping!]

i just want to say: i love my job. i really... really do. i've never had this much FUN in a job. being able to really use the "gifts" [i don't really like that word] that God has given me, and have fun with it! ahhh!

this friday - you should come to thomas' ghana dinner. it will be great. we're all freaking out a little but it is going to be fun! text me or comment for details.

bri, we needa' date soon. i have stories.

p.s. i started a moleskine!

humility

2009-02-26T14:54:00.000-06:00

Litany of Humility
by Merry Cardinal del Val, secretary of state to Pope Saint Pius X

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, O Jesus.
That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I go unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

to do

2009-02-19T10:16:00.000-06:00

well, friday looks to be light.

"eeeeeeeeeew"

2009-02-16T10:54:00.001-06:00

Wuulll, apparently posing a question like “who are you?” at the end of a blog post was a bad idea! Haha. Will take note for future reference.

2 things:

This is my favorite. Long car ride, solitude and ipod. I sometimes devote my entire lunch hour to doing just this.

This weekend was fun. Land of poems, chick flicks, new church trying, 2 hours at culvers with favorites [and new people] on Sunday, went out with the boys club on Saturday [Thomas, Nathan, drew]. Thomas’ eyes rolled the entire dinner at random [inappropriate] comments nate or drew would make.

this week's realizations

2009-02-07T23:19:00.003-06:00

- LOST is stupid. But I've already devoted too much energy to it to stop watching now.
- I haven't attended church in a month. I'm actually craving some corporate worship [is that weird????] Stephen, I think I'm taking your idea and running with it next week......
- I'm definitely not a phone person... can't carry on a conversation, but talking to a favorite for over an hour felt like nothing! I'm branching out, guys!
- I finally succumbed to blocking someone on facebook. It was a harmless 16 year old, but he would not stop bothering me. I feel freeeee!
- Apparently, I'm Indian, says Thomas. You can all now refer to me as "Pocahontas". I think it fits, yeah?

ya'll... my hairs are accidentally black. the end. pictures to follow for those of you i don't see tonight. ACK.

2009-02-06T17:35:00.001-06:00

world conferences, tyler, erika, thomas and birmingham.

2009-02-02T14:38:00.000-06:00

Week update, anyone? ………anyone?

Last week :: World Mandate conference and World Orphans staff conference. Both really great. Learned a lot. One being, I get altitude sickness [did not even know that was possible!]. We were climbing up castle rock and all of a sudden, I can’t see straight and feel like I’m going to throw up! I’ve never heard of altitude sickness! Who knew??!

I thought it was so funny, the entire time I was there, I was introduced to everyone as “This is Elizabeth… she’s really good friends with Thomas and Erika.”

Saturday :: consisted of…
- Going to Tyler with Thomas to visit Erika. His new car talks to you!!!
- Being thankful for my favorites.
- 3 hour conversation at Outback
- Walking around downtown tyler with said favorites.
- Discovering Birmingham the antique seller.
- Erika asking for a job with the creepy antique seller.
- Thomas and I trying to subtly ease out of antique store without making any sudden movements.
- Erika still carrying on conversation with Birmingham.
- Driving around for an hour and 45 minutes looking for whole foods/Kroger/wal mart…
- 3 hour conversation at olive garden.
- The Cathedral of Immaculate Conception [a discovery!]
- Quotes of the day included [all by Erika] “can I have some.. uh… potato sticks? ….what are those called? French fries!!!!”, “you know those things that you can’t park by….?” Someone: “fire hydrant?”
- The waitress at olive garden greeted us by saying to me “I remember you….. you were in here recently, yeah?” “ummm… a couple weeks ago…. With her” [pointing to Erika] “oh, I just remember your hair!” ………my hair???
- Interesting drive back home at midnight. Thomas and I did not get lost. Nnnnope. Thomas just discovered a shortcut in Terrell…. It was very… uh…. Texas chainsaw massacre kind of short cut, but… nonetheless…. It got us back to the land of poems. “You don’t have to freak out yet. Freak out when I start freaking out” – Thomas.
- Another discovery – 2am makes us both really out of it. Even if we both don’t feel tired, our conversation topics denote the fact. Wow!! I think we discussed toothpaste and bunnies.

Sunday::

- Supposed to meet Thomas at 12-ish……. But something’s happened to me to the point that I cannot be early or even on time anymore! I showed up at 1:30! Seriously???
- LOST is annoying. I have a love/hate relationship with it. Ho hum!
- Thomas introduced me to whole foods. That’s a fun place to people watch! Give me an organic chair to sit in and a blanket made of weeds and I’ll be good!
- He and I discussed what constitutes “indie”. I don’t think I’m in that little bracket of indie-ness, but he begs to differ. Apparently they’re people who are kind of vintage, do what they want, non-legalistic kind of people. Hmmmm! I don’t know, but I’m also that type that despises labels of any kind. Even though “indie” seems to be the label everyone wants to have.
- At the house of poems, every few minutes you’d here a little yelp of glee coming from grandmother woodall who was watching [and participating, apparently] in the superbowl. It was so cute! I want one. [A grandmother woodall, that is. Stephen, will you share?]
- Thomas and I ended the night with a little [2 hours] of facebook stalking… picture viewing, friend introductions and “What were they thinking?” ‘s.

discoveries

2009-01-30T23:42:00.002-06:00

elizabeth:
doesn't like 3:30am.
slept in a tinkerbell, hannah montana filled room this week.
gets altitude sickness [nooo fun].
thinks world orphans staff are pretty cool.
has a stuffy and sneezy nose.
is so ready for God to continue to do His thing. He's got a better handle on it than I could ever have.

exhaustion.

2009-01-25T17:32:00.004-06:00

is a word that defines my current state. it's a good exhaustion, though.

friday - went into the office for some last minute stuff. left around 2:00 to go pack for waco [last minute packer here!]. fresh tank of gas, and hit the road for waco! one of the really bizarre things about me, is that sometimes i just need time in solitude. time to clear my head and turn up phil wickham. it's kind of calming, to me. especially considering the next week would be crazy/hectic - i just figured it would be good. anyways, i show up right on time and find my "group" [that was the difficult part]. worship was... wow. i feel closest to God when i'm verbally praising and worshipping Him, so an hour [FULL HOUR] of praise was freeing. there's been something that's been stressing me out for awhile, and i've tried and tried to just give it to Him... but it seems like i always resort to dwelling on it. which causes more stress and lack of faith. every time i would "give it to God", i always ended up taking it back almost immediately [my downfall is struggling with trusting God]. I was able to realize how silly I was being. this... thing... will not be a deciding factor on the person i am, or who i'm becoming... so why do i even worry about it?

cliche, yes, but it's now %100 God's thing.

laur and will showed up later friday night, and i was so glad! i've missed my friend lauren! and it was so good to meet will.

saturday - bright and early day. a really great session by this man [his name escapes me] who works with the IMB. he said something that really stuck out to me...

"america has become our default setting."

wow, how true is that?

that afternoon, west and i went to this fun little coffee shop. they had all of these posters for various non-profits all over the place, quotes [YAY] and fun art all over the walls. there was a guy from the non-profit falling whistles there that we started talking to about africa. check out the story here:

http://fallingwhistles.com/SOS-82644-FallingWhistles.pdf
[worth it, trust me]

despite the fact that i don't drink coffee, i think i've found my little taste of vintage heaven on earth. for your viewing pleasure... a glimpse [none of which i took, so please don't credit the... um, photog "skills" to moi]:

we met some of west's friends and sat here [it's outside... and it was 40 degrees. yeah.]

outside:

we went back to the conference, where i must admit, almose fell asleep a few times. i can't help it... nowadays, [i sound 70] whenever the lights are dimmed and the air is chilly, i get drowsy [reason number 2 i sound 70]. again, great worship, though.

guess where west and i ended up after?

yep. myyyyyyyy haven. common grounds! conveniently... west's friend, josh, from college, works there and got us into the backyard concert fo' free! it was freezing, and i was drinking a smoothie, so we didn't stay long.

got up this morning for the last session. lunched with west, laur and will and headed home.

hooommmeee is good. too bad i'm only here for a day, then off to Colorado! WHY AM I NERVOUS ABOUT THIS TRIP???

wisdom tooth woes.

2009-01-22T14:09:00.002-06:00

wah
wah
waahhh

ibuprofen is my new bff. and the stuff that numbs the inside of your mouth is heavenly [despite the taste it leaves that makes me gag and feel nauseous].

in other news

job is going well.

it's a fun-terrifying-purposeful-inspiring-heartbreaking-makes-me-wanna-pack-up-and-board-the-first-plane-to-africa kind of job.

having responsibilities [like these] and just having tasks so different from anything i've experienced is cool and scary. and God is still seeing that 2009 is a big "let me push you out of your comfort zone" year.

fun fact: i'm going to kenya and uganda in june!

world orphans blog

2009-01-17T11:09:00.001-06:00

hey friends,

i've started blogging for world orphans... so read and comment on this one too!

http://livingexpression.blogspot.com/

[i will still update this one]

look at dem' bangs!

2009-01-14T19:55:00.004-06:00

adult
1. The period of your life before death, and after the time when you realize that it is, in fact, NOT cool to paste cut-outs from 'Teen People' onto your binder.

Does anyone else sometimes just not feel like an adult? Like maybe someone made a mistake when they handed over your right to adulthood? Sometimes it feels so bizarre to be talking like an adult. I'll catch myself in mid conversation regarding a conference, trip, meeting, or important phone call and just laugh!

Where did the barbies and polly pockets go?

Actually... I was more of a ninja turtles and POGS kind of girl, myself.

Seems to me my sense of style hasn't changed much! WOW!

i'm not good with phone conversations.

2009-01-09T19:22:00.001-06:00

those of you that know me, know that i avoid phone conversations at all costs. i will reply with a text or email %99 of the time whenever someone calls and leaves a message. [unless it's a conversation that needs to be had over the phone. i'm okay when it's a professional phone call, but personal ones kill me].

about a month ago, i met this girl [well... she was in her late twenties, probably] with a husband and children, and we talked cordially a little bit. i had mentioned something about my new job with world orphans and how excited i am about the opportunity because the job totally lines up with my vision.

well, that was that.

speed up a few weeks. this lady calls me last week while i was in ark-kansas [rather, in the car heading back from ark-kansas]. um. i skipped it. "busy tone sent".

[pause and wait for the lightning to strike. i'm a terrible person]

i listen to the message, and she's just like "hey, just wanted to talk to you about something... call me back!"

kind of a pet peeve of mine. please leave me a voicemail with an outline of what you want to discuss... so i can be prepared beforehand. [or i could just get better at conversation]

i tried calling her back... [had to psych myself up for the phonecall]... and the number was disconnected.

"oh well." i thought... "i tried. i returned her call... it's her fault her phone decided to be disconnected. My hands are clean of this situation!!!!!"

that is, until she called me again today. [i skipped it, yet again] i listened to her message.

"hey, elizabeth. this is ____________. i kinda just wanted to talk to you. i remember you mentioning your new job and how you'll be working with missions and helping with logistics of mission trips, and i really have been praying for God to place someone in my life that i can talk to about that kind of stuff. i've never been on a mission trip because i just don't know where to start. then, when you mentioned your new job... my ears perked up. i would love to just pick your brain about it all. please call me."

well. yeah. i felt terrible.

honestly, i was nervous i wouldn't know what to say to her or how to respond to her questions. i waited about 5 minutes... praying that God would just speak through me.

i finally just gave it up. pulled my car over in a near parking lot, and called her. and, as cliche as it sounds, words just started pouring out of my mouth about my experience and easing her insecurities and fears about why God is calling her to go. in mid-conversation, i just kept going and spilling out my heart to this stranger, basically, all the while wondering "WHO IS THIS PERSON TALKING????? NOT I, GOD. NOT I."

i've NEVER been so comfortable talking to anyone on the phone as i was with this conversation. 15 minutes later, i realized the conversation was coming to an end, and encouraged her to just start checking things out and for her to call me with any other questions, gave her a few names and phone numbers.

as i hung up, and put my car back in drive, i was reminded of a familiar verse. where God promises us and encourages us not to worry about what to say or how to say it, but when the time comes, it won't be me speaking but the spirit of HIM speaking through me...

"Do not worry beforehand, or premeditate what you will speak. But whatever is given you in that hour, speak that; for it is not you who speak, but the Holy Spirit." Mark 13:11

thrice...

2009-01-06T16:12:00.002-06:00

today alone, i've been told by three seperate people on three different occasions that i'm too "passive aggressive" and that i need to speak up when i'm frustrated or annoyed.

where's the line from "passive aggressive" to "nonconfrontational". i think the latter is more in tune to my mindset.

i don't really get angry. i'll get frustrated and usually will resort to being an anti-social hermit for awhile, but i'd rather be anti social for a day than blow up and yell.

i just process anger differently!

how do you deal with your anger?

you know it's a monday when...

2009-01-05T08:36:00.003-06:00

a) you are surprisingly early to work... [never happens!]
b) you realize at 8:30, when no one is here, that work was delayed two hours due to "freezing rain", or the possibility of the latter.
c) the rapture came and went.

step right up, ladies and gentlemen!!

sneak peek

2008-12-29T19:34:00.005-06:00

a friend of mine just recently got engaged [the joys of being in your twenties!] and asked me to do her engagement photos. i originally was very hesitant because i've never done anything like that, and don't have the right equipment for any "real" photography... but couldn't say no. here's a few of my favorites:

added a couple more.

convenient, her colors are red and black.

guess who.

2008-12-25T11:25:00.001-06:00

guess who succumbed to reading twilight.

bah

2008-12-16T22:35:00.002-06:00

http://www.myspace.com/trippleletterscore

yes. a little late in the game.
i wouldn't be joining now if my tenth graders hadn't begged.
apparently, it is "so much cooler than facebook".

hm.

productive.

2008-12-08T18:21:00.002-06:00

today i:
overslept
but, amazingly, got to work on time
accepted an amazing job offer
daily monday activities
gave my notice at work
gave the dog a bath
blogged
did laundry [doing]
hummus and pita for dinner?

productive monday, i say.

missed opportunity.

2008-12-05T23:31:00.002-06:00

standing behind a rather flirtatious fellow valero custumer, i have no ability to escape the conversation that was taking place.

lady: "well, hello"
cashier: "hello"
lady: "where are you from?"
cashier says something mumbly, but i assumed he said africa.
lady: "i figured!!! [giggle-laugh] i would like to visit there."
cashier: "yes. you should."
lady: [as she walks away] "the people are beautiful...... YOU... are beautiful."

i approach the counter, trying to stifle my laughter and embarassment for this girl, and manage to repeat the question "so, where did you say you were from?"

cashier says: "japan"
i look befuddled and mutter an eloquent "ahh.. hah.. uh.. er.. ohhhhkay then..."
cashier: "couldn't you tell by my eyes? they're squinty"
me: "ohhh... heh... yeah... sure are."
cashier laughs and says "i'm just messing with you. i'm from ethiopia"
feeling stupid, i mention that i had visited africa, and can't wait to go back.
"ohhhh?" he said, "Why were you in africa?"
i say "mainly missions"
he looked surprised, took a step back [i thought i lost him] he got quiet and asked "so... what'd you think? did you like it?"
"Yeah, loved it. can't wait to go back!"
"...really???? that's amazing. what did you love about it?"
[by this time, i had paid for my fiji water and a crowd was forming.]
"everything, really. the people, culture, lifestyle.. you name it"
"what about the lifestyle?" he asked.
"well, the fact that it's so different from american lifestyles. we are so consumed by stuff, and are very task oriented to the point that the constant bustle of life is all we think about. african people are just more laid back, and take time to really enjoy life."
"i see. i agree. i've been in america for five years and i'm still just trying to figure out where i belong. work seems to be the only thing americans have"
the people behind me were getting restless... so i asked him "do you work here often?" he said "Yes. very often." i asked "can i come back, and we'll talk?" he said "yes, i would love that. what is your name?" i told him, and got his. Joel.

i'm afraid i totally missed an open door to share Christ with a willing spirit! uggghhhh..!

box o' buttons

2008-12-02T19:44:00.005-06:00

wellllll helllooooo.

iiiii am going to do something i haven't done... well, ever, in this blog history - i don't believe! a week wrap up?! i'll try to summarize.

tuesday - brett, michael and i went to see miss carew shake her tailfeather [two carew's, actually].
after that, brett and i became "dance partners" in which we commented on how awkward everyone else was. good night.

wednesday - workworkwork.
then woodalls. [booooo, stephen you weren't there!]
fun venting conversation and a bizarre [2] episodes of heroes.
thomas is a character. in...... deed.

thursday - thanksgivin'.
yuck.
i'm not a holiday food kind of person, but the company was even awkward. enough said.
went to erika's and started simon birch with the fam, michael and christian.
skipped out early to go see bond with two favorites!

friday -
i watched some chillins'.
ran some errands
had a girl night, complete with chick flick, venting sessions, music, and chips and salsa with erika and thomas.

saturday -
my first relaxing day in mon- yearsss??? i exagerrate.
church.
tried this bizarre middle eastern restaurant in dallas with thomas, erika, michael and nathan.

skip ahead because i'm bored with my week.

i went christmas shopping, aaaaaaand found a box of buttons. and what does any self respected craft person do? buy that $8 box o' buttons, yes huh! and put them to use!

[fer' some reason, when i smile - my top lip disappears....]

well, hello, conviction. how are you today?

2008-11-30T20:04:00.003-06:00

through a brief conversation with my circle of trust [thomas and erika], we were discussing a mutual acquantince and how awkward i am when i'm around this person. i hate that i've become clique-ey! yuck! i am not a nice person.

i'm trying not to become that person that's perfectly satisfied with two close friends to the point where i have no interest in making new ones. growing relationships with people and investing in others is a huge part of this faith, and i cannot deny that aspect of what we believe. welcoming people into our comfort zone, as awkward as it may be, is so necessary to who we are.

what friends are for. encouraging, uplifting and telling the truth in love.

The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'
Matthew 25:40

new.

2008-11-24T21:33:00.002-06:00

Okay, Okay... I've procrastinated writing a real blog for far too long. I think it's time for some words that don't require quotation marks. Seems as though there's so much to say lately, but it's hard to verbalize.

There's so much going on and I'm just trying to give it all to God, despite my reflex being to "fix it", or attempt to. My attempt to do this has resulted in me seeming apathetic towards things, but that's not the case at all.

Some new developments are so bizarre. Friends are changing, drastically, and I guess it seems like I'm standing still as everything swirls in these strange new ways. I'm kind of just ready for this "new-ness" to slow down a little? Yet, old or new, a road is a continuum. It has an old end and a current end, which can only be new for a moment... until something changes again. I guess that's part of growing up, huh?

[Disclaimer: This shouldn't be taken as a complaint; Just an observation.]

oh come, all ye fakefull.

2008-11-21T19:55:00.002-06:00

O come all ye wasteful
Shopoholic gluttons
O come ye and buy three of everything!
Come and behold the
After Christmas sale-a-thon
O come and get your sale on!
O come and get your sale on!
O come and get your sale on for Christ the lord!

O come all ye fakefull! Oh how we’re insincere
We shall love thy neighbor, just one month a year
That will make up for all the other months
O kind of love your neighbor
O kind of love your neighbor
Just sort of love your neighbor for Christ the Lord

O come all ye wasteful
Ye of shopping affliction
O come ye and feed your addiction
Come in and spend everything you’ve earned
Now you’re just a little bankrupt
Who cares if you are bankrupt
You should be proud you’re bankrupt for Christ
the Lord

pure poverty

2008-11-10T20:02:00.001-06:00

"Our life of poverty is as necessary as the work itself. Only in heaven will we see how much we owe to the poor for helping us to love God better because of them. "
Mother Teresa

week lessons

2008-11-05T18:50:00.002-06:00

- convertibles are fun.
- the woodall boys do art assignments in their rabbit fur scarf [and their grandmother is sweet!]
- drama, drama everywhere. which is causing me to become more and more apathetic towards the people creating the drama.
- convertibles are really fun.

love

"it"

2008-10-27T21:18:00.003-05:00

is in the air.

what is it? hmm???

----------------------------------

Today, I went grocery shopping with a guy from Egypt. It was the most enjoyable part of my day - being able to hear about his culture and life in Egypt. My heart stopped a few times as he walked right into traffic in the busy Kroger parking lot... my constant gasps were humorous to him... "oh, so in america, you wait your turn?"

stuff christians like

2008-10-23T19:32:00.002-05:00

Thursday, January 3, 2008
#3. Reading "love is patient" at your wedding.

If you're a Christian and you're getting married, this is almost a requirement. Honestly, if you don't read 1 Corinthians 13 at your wedding there are some people that won't come. It's the go to verse for Christian weddings, like playing the song "We will rock you" at football games.

And if you're going to have it read at your wedding try to give it the the "silver medal" friend. This is the friend that you like a lot, but just not enough to actually ask them to be part of the wedding party. So you give them the role of "bible reader" and hope they won't notice they're only making a cameo in your special moment and not actually being an integral part.

http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/

i...

2008-10-22T18:01:00.000-05:00

get to have a difficult conversation tonight. in an hour.

whoo... hoo.

huummm!!

2008-10-18T11:35:00.002-05:00

"Trust Me and refuse to worry, for I am your Strength and Song. You are feeling wobbly this morning, looking at difficult times ahead, measuring them against your own strength. However, they are not today's tasks - or even tomorrow's. So leave them in the future and come home to the present, where you will find Me waiting for you. Since I am your Strength, I can empower you to handle each task as it comes. Because I am your Song, I can give you Joy as you work alongside Me.

Keep bringing your mind back to the present moment. Among all my creatures, only humans can anticipate future events. This ability is a blessing, but it becomes a curse whenever it is misused. If you use your magnificent mind to worry about tomorrow, you cloak yourself in dark unbelief. However, when the hope of heaven fills your thoughts, the Light of My Presence envelops you. "

(Exodus 15:2, 2 Corinthians 10:5, Hebrews 10:23)

leave it to me...

2008-10-13T19:10:00.003-05:00

to annoy the IT guy at work [shane] and get put on his "bad list".

this is what i saw when i looked up at my screen on friday.

[click to enlarge]

i'm trying to think of a possible payback... ideas? post it noting? something i can do to his cubicle????

i feel lame doing this...

2008-10-11T11:32:00.004-05:00

uhhh, for a class, i had to write about a time i said goodbye to someone.
i REALLY dislike these types of assignments with topics already chosen, but i figured out a way to make it relevant to me and turn the topic to my favorite subject: nigeria.
-------------------------------

Abby

I met Abigail in September of 2006 when I went with fifteen others to a warm, tiny plateau in Jos, Nigeria. When I arrived at the airport, I experienced my first taste of a third world country. The smell of the African air was nothing I’d ever imagined it’d be. The lighting in the airport flickered as I started slightly shaking inwardly in fear of the unknown. I hesitated stepping forward. “If this is a taste of what’s in store for me, then I want no part of it”, I thought to myself. I felt nauseous, like I was going to pass out and had to remind myself to breathe. Then I felt a warm embrace and looked up to see this beautiful Nigerian girl who later introduced herself as “Abby”.

Abigail had a smile that lit up every room. She walked through town oblivious to the obvious stares in regards to her beauty. Tall, thin, and dark skinned with an intelligence and charm that would make anyone long to know her. She was confident, but not because of the way she looked, but because of whom she belonged to. In Nigeria, women are considered to be the lowest of lows; trash, even. Many men believe that women belong “in the grave”. Abigail was independent who had no desire for a man. Christians in a predominately Islamic region are persecuted for their faith and oftentimes even become martyrs. Abigail did not hide her faith or try to escape it. She embraced who she was and let her faith prove to be sincere.

We became fast friends. We did typical girl things which included braids, nails and all night venting sessions. She ended up spending the next two weeks with me in the compound I stayed in. We would talk about life, goals and God until we heard the 4 a.m. Islamic laments over the loud speaker each morning. To us, the laments meant that we should probably relish that last two available hours we had left to sleep. She would go with us to market and do our bargaining for us. She said the Nigerians love to take advantage of the gullible Americans and could save us money. That, she did. She had this sense of quiet, graceful power wherever she went that gave me a sense of security.

When the day came to start packing up to leave the little compound, Abigail and I were already preparing ourselves for what was to come. Tears fell as I rolled my t-shirts and tried to hide the fact that I was, indeed, upset. The long bus ride to the airport was grueling. When we arrived at the airport, we walked slowly in the African warmth in silence. We knew that we would probably not see each other again, although neither of us wanted to admit it. “I’ll see you next year”, I said to her, knowing that was wishful thinking. “I will write to you!” she cried between sobs. As we entered the airport, I was greeted by the familiar smell and flickering lights. The feeling inside me was different than before. It was a bittersweet feeling of sadness, love, and happiness. I hugged her tightly for the last time, and placed my necklace around her neck. I looked back at the gate and saw my new friend with her hands clinging to the gate as if it were her last hope, tears streaming down her face. My face felt warm, a lump grew in my throat and that nauseous feeling came back. It baffled me to think that the same place that made me nauseous and gave me an uneasy feeling had turned into a place I couldn’t leave. Not because I had grown numb to the horrendous smell or the seizure inducing lights, but because of the friend I was leaving behind.

I haven’t seen her since, we keep in touch by letters and sporadic emails. I’m not sure if she’ll ever know the extent of her contribution to the person I am today, but I’m praying that I will see her again someday. Her driven attitude and unwavering faith was an inspiration to me.

lovelovelovelove

2008-10-09T20:06:00.005-05:00

i bought those. and love 'em. this entry has nothing to do with those boots, i just wanted to share. :]

i just finished reading "redeeming love" for the second time, and now for the next week i'll be pondering it, i'm sure. kind of a mellow "whoa....... he loves me that much" kind of feeling.

[for the males and the clueless - redeeming love is a book based off of the book of hosea in the bible. it's supposed to illustrate Christ's unconditional love for us through Hosea's relationship and love for Gomer. despite her own conditional love, insecurities and downfalls. heartbreaking story, but so powerful, i have to say... and i'm not a chick lit kind of girl!]

Good luck exploring the infinite abyss

2008-10-06T20:52:00.003-05:00

you know it's a monday when you're doing your weekly laundry and the dryer stops working. forcing you to spend the rest of the evening with either:

a) damp clothes

or

2) at the laundromat [laundrymat? laundry mat? lau...]

(i realize my mistake... laughed at myself. and feel like leaving it. it's monday]

oh, and i miss these people/places:

and if someone can tell me where the blog title is from... they've earned BFF priviledges.

zazzy, third day, people watching.

2008-10-04T15:10:00.004-05:00

i talked to my kyla today for an hour. it was so good.
some favorite people left today for africa.
thursday night started out lame and frustrating [getting lost in fair park and terrible bands], but was redeemed by those woodall boys, people watching, their comments and narrating... third day singing "i'll fly away", and midnight waffle housing with lena and good conversation about life.

stephen, lena and i became V.I.P.'s. Thomas did not, sadly.

some might say the night was "zazzy".

"The Lord shows His true love everyday.
At night, I have a song... and I pray to my living God..."

Psalm 42:8

the buick II

2008-10-01T17:45:00.003-05:00

we're not a mystery to you

2008-09-27T23:15:00.003-05:00

For the past month, I've been thinking about how sovereign God is. I'm a very analytical person, and I tend to overthink things and analyze them to death. This is kind of difficult to put into words, and since I have to be up in 6 hours, I'll try not to drag this out.

When I met [my now best friend], Kyla, I was not wanting a friend. I was a very self consumed 15 year old who had "plenty of friends", and really didn't think I needed another. God definitely thought different, and 5 years later - I couldn't imagine my life without her. It's the type of friendship where, despite the fact that we're living in seperate states and seperate lives, we're still connected and always will be.

I've been listening to this song by watermark, and love the intent and message of it. It's all about trust and giving up control to God, despite our fears and questions and the unknown. We know that the safest place to be is in the center of HIS will. Whenever I get anxious about the future - God reminds me of that. The fact that He really is in control despite the fact that I feel frazzled and overwhelmed and uncertain... He's not. He knows what my life looks like.

I have a world traveler friend [ha. pretty much] and I've talked to this friend about my love for Nigeria, and he keeps telling me to "just go!!", and, as much as I'd like to, I feel uncomfortable with the unknown. I feel like I can't just go and not worry about anything else.. but I've realized that-that's my control issue, and my trust issue.

I'm not a mystery to HIM. He knows my heart, and HE knows the course of my life.

MENDED - BY WATERMARK

You repair all that we have torn apart and
You unveil a new beginning in our hearts and
We stand grateful for all that has been left behind and
All that goes before us

You’ve got all things suspended
All things connected
Nothing was forgotten
‘Cause your love is perfect
You are our healer
And you know what’s broken
And we’re not a mystery to you

We will dance ’cause you restore the wasted years and
You will sing over all our coming fears and
We’ll stand grateful for all that has been left behind and
all that goes before us

Lord, you mend the breech
And you break every fetter
You give us your best, but what we thought was better
And you are to be praised
You are to be praised

You’ve got all things suspended
All things connected
Nothing was forgotten
‘Cause your love is perfect
You are our healer
And you know what’s broken
And we’re not a mystery to you

ponderings

2008-09-24T18:04:00.000-05:00

On my lunch hour yesterday, I read a little bit from a book that’s been sitting in my backseat for weeks [which also includes half of the rowlett library, I’m sure]. Anyways, this particular book was about the life of St. Francis of Assisi. So far, it’s a really interesting read. Lately, I’ve been really interested in different quotes, and this book is FULL of great ones. I almost want to find it on amazon just to be able to highlight and make notes in it.

One that stuck out to me:

“A Christian, above all people, should live artistically, aesthetically, and creatively. If we have been created in the image of an Artist, then we should look for expressions of artistry, and be sensitive to beauty, responsive to what has been created for our appreciation.” --Edith Schaeffer

I’m leading a DG group of 10th grade girls this year. There’s 5 of them that are for sure going to do it, and I get to meet them on Sunday night. I’m excited. I hope I don’t scare them off with my eclectic wardrobe, or [at times] lame jokes. There’s a lot I’m praying for regarding this group. For one, and not to sound selfish, I’m praying that there’s no drama within the group. I just have no patience for high school drama… and if there is, I’ll be praying that HE gives me patience and the words to comfort and calm. Hmmm! My goal, as the leader or whatever, is to create a sense of unity and sincerity within the group. Although, they do not seem to be in the same “crowd” at school, I’m hoping that the common bond of being In Christ Is enough to not create strife, and I hope it will help us to be genuine and sincere in all we discuss. I have a few different creative ideas for prayer and mission projects this year, I’m excited to get started on them!

One more quote:
“If we don’t accept Jesus in one another, we will not be able to give Him to others” --Mother Teresa

seriously.

2008-09-21T18:30:00.001-05:00

things I need...

trust
patience
humility

for katie.

2008-09-15T19:24:00.002-05:00

Wellll, apparently I have neglected this hur’ blog. Many apologies to my tens of readers… [I exaggerate].

Let’s see… where to begin. AHA! Well, a fewww weeks ago, I was driving along. Minding my own business, as I rock out to “before the throne of God above” by sojourn [brilliant version, by the way] and I pass a looong, orange fence that denoted construction. I hear a loud noise, that sounded like I hit something. Glance around and think “Well, my car is still moving. Must not have done any damage”. That is… until I attempt to get in the right lane. I glance over at my blind spot, then my passenger side mirror… and I see, no – not a reflection of the road I’ve just passed… but a mirror, hanging by brightly colored cords. I get to my destination [surprising] and go over to check it. The mirror was shattered, and I got a little frustrated, but managed to laugh a little. I get home, and my mom [the car genius. No, seriously. If I hear a noise, she’s the first person I ask opinion] decides we’ll tape it until I have the time [and funds] to bring it in to get it fixed. I’m actually kind of fond of it, it’s growing on me:

Friday, the 5th, Lena bought us tickets to the Rangers game. So me, Thomas, and a couple others carpooled out to Arlington to watch the game. Thomas and I compared baseball knowledge by expressing what we knew about the sport:
“um, there’s a ball. And…. Guys with… uniforms that run around bases.”
“what quarter are we in?”
“does baseball even HAVE quarters?”
and my favorite line of the night, spoken in true Thomas fashion:
“Elizabeth, do you think they have organic food here?”
We had funnn! Thomas brought his camera, so we spent time taking pictures of interesting [and I mean INTERESTING] looking people. Our favorite man was wearing tye dye. Ohhh, and we can’t forget the man, by himself, that was reading a magazine. Lena was rooting for the red sox, and got told many times to sit down… that it was the “RANGERS SECTION, HONEYYY!”. Lena also scared an old woman with her cheers. Thomas got an “in action” picture of said scare.

Skip forward a few days, I come into work… a normal day. Tuesday. I fumble my keys as I unlock the door to my office when I notice balloons everywhere. Streamers. Confetti. Glitter. More balloons. Presents. It was a good day. I like glitter and confetti. I received an abundance of phone calls, texts, calls [some friends left messages of singing!], emails, facebook messages of encouragement and happy birthdays. Probably more than any other year. I just felt so encouraged. So many people felt the need to tell me why the appreciate me, and that’s just so uplifting to hear specific reasons. I went out to dinner with the “fam” that night, and it was really fun! Love them. Katie talked about Mario kart most of the dinner, and we wondered if she’d been talking to our older sister [who talks… a lot. Understatement] but it was cute! She’s growing up!

Thursday, Thomas informed me that this night was to be my birthday dinner. He was going to pick me up at lake pointe at 6:30 and we were going to blue mesa in dallas. It was a great night. Laur, Melissa and Lena came too and it was just a fun night with best friends. After that, we decided to go to his house and watch a movie [me, lena, Thomas]. We decided on Count of Monte Cristo, since I hadn’t seen all of it. THAT is a MOVIE, I’m tellin’ ya. Whooo! New favorite, for sure. Since I’ve been reminding Thomas of his “organic food at the ranger game” comment, I’ve been informed that he has one on me now… “is that a… a… acorn?” in reference to one of the final scenes where they open a chest to see a chess piece…. HEYYY, it looked like an acorn. Watch it, you’ll see.

buttons

2008-09-02T13:00:00.003-05:00

I sat for what seemed like forever trying to think of an introduction sentence for this next entry. That’s, obviously, the extent of my blog intro creativity, it seems.

Yesterday. Labor day. No work. Ssss’good.

Lauren invited me to go with her out to katie’s labor day get together out in poetry. Tons of people, and it was pretty fun despite the weird “get to know you” conversations… including, but not limited to:

1) what do you do?
2) Where are you going to school?
3) What do you want to do with your life?
4) How do you know lauren/katie?

Katie, Lauren and I did share a time of “tea” and confessions…[minus the tea] out on the front porch. I had nothing to confess, at the time, [or rather, nothing I felt like confessing] but making snide comments about their confessions was what occupied my time. I’m such a good friend.

A lady complimented me on my peacock earrings. Then, as I was leaving, stopped me to tell me her name, and to let me know that I look “like an artist!!”. “ohh. Heh. Thanks? Thanks.” I told her my name, and she said [ever so dramatically], “really. I just LOVE your STTYYYYLLEEE!” I managed to thank her for the compliment, and walked out to the parking lot [ha. It seemed like one. 30 cars surrounding the house] with lauren.

____________________________________________

I went home, and hung out with the fam for a bit before bed. We ended up with my grandmother’s buttons [she passed away a few weeks ago, and we’re cleaning out her house, and there was this huge box filled with buttons that my mom got]. It’s funny how something so simple can bring me that much joy. It was so fun to sit and sift through the eclectic buttons she had collected over the years. Made me wonder what each piece was from, like they almost told a story. There were hundreds. We’re trying to figure out how to make a button necklace with a few of our favorite ones.

____________________________________________

I texted my DG [Discipleship Group. I lead a group of now 9th graders] girls today to see if they were still interested in doing one this year [we had a break for the summer], and I was actually really surprised that almost immediately I received replies saying “yes!” and “of course!”. I’m so excited to see how the Lord leads us this year and what this next year [their 1st year of high school] entails for them [and for me]. I have a few ideas of what we can do to serve in the metroplex, and how we can be a light to others. In the fall, we’ll have a study provided by Lake Pointe… but in the new year, we’ll get to choose a book to do. I’m thinking I might see if they’d want to read an actual fiction book and discuss it… as opposed to doing a study like in the past. There are a few books that really ministered to me when I was their age [14ish] and I think it’d still be relevant to them at this time.

sheeee speaks truth.

2008-08-27T16:41:00.003-05:00

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." - Mother Teresa

"date to save"???

2008-08-22T13:51:00.003-05:00

http://www.datetosave.com

okay, i'm hoping this is just a joke, because honestly - how SAD!

wednesday morning.

2008-08-20T08:27:00.004-05:00

at 5:00pm tuesday afternoon, i left with not one unread email.

wednesday, i came to work to this:

okay, it's blurry, but 442 unread emails!!!!

funerals, anorexic christian bale and thoughtful friends.

2008-08-18T13:11:00.001-05:00

Wuullll, hello, thar… blog that I seem to have forgotten. Hopefully this post will make up for my absence. Despite the fact that it may end up being ramblings of a sleep deprived elizabeth, it will be something and not… nothing. Yuh-huh..

Friday, we had all planned to meet for dinner to kind of say farewell to our good friend kyla [ugghhh, I miss my best friend already!!!]. Earlier that morning, my grandmother passed away with all 4 of her children by her side. She was 69, and although many expected it, it didn’t make it any easier for my family.

Since I had already committed to meet Kyla [and Thomas, Nathan, Lena and Kate] for dinner at the harbor… and it would’ve been the only opportunity to see kyla before she left, I decided to still go. Kyla and I shared common stories about falling on the ground this week, and laughter, on the way to dinner… [only true friends can laugh about similar bruises and stupid stuff you do].

We had dinner at ruby Tuesdays [ehhhh… s’ok]. Walked around a little bit while listening to little people [uhhh, children. That wasn’t my attempt at being politically correct] sing praise music [off key, but sooo cute. The noise was joyful!]. After that, we [me, kyla, thomas and nathan] went to Nathan’s grandparents house [I think?? I just followed] and watched [“Watched” is a loose term, 2/4’s of us fell asleep] an intense movie with an anorexic christian bale [soooo disgusting]. I have no idea how thomas and kyla were able to fall asleep… NO IDEA.

Saturday was the viewing in north texas [about an hour and a half from rockwall. Near oklahoma].

Sunday we made the trek back down there for the funeral. Not even 5 minutes after I got out of the car, I was talking to some family and I feel someone tap me on my shoulder. I turn around and see thomas!! And katie and lena!! I was just stunned and near tears, and in awe of their thoughtfulness… driving an hour and a half to come to a funeral for someone they’ve never met. WHAT FRIENDS! Gaahhh!! I’m still so stunned and thankful and full of gratitude!

It was really just a testimony of how the body of Christ works…

Still in awe.

i pray to be this kind of influencer.

2008-08-09T11:23:00.001-05:00

“The people who influence us the most are not those who detain us with their continual talk, but those who live their lives like the stars in the sky and “the lilies of the field”— simply and unaffectedly. Those are the lives that mold and shape us.
If you want to be of use to God, maintain the proper relationship with Jesus Christ by staying focused on Him, and He will make use of you every minute you live— yet you will be unaware, on the conscious level of your life, that you are being used of Him.”

-oswald chambers

shakespeare... bali style

2008-08-05T10:54:00.004-05:00

Weekend updatessssss:

Saturday – Didn’t really do too much, went to church… The day before, I had made a commitment to a family at church to watch their kids after church. So that afternoon, Lena calls and asks if I want to go with her and Thomas to a different church [or bible study, I forget what it was exactly]. I wanted to, because Lena had told me about it and it seemed interesting. Sadly, I had the other babysitting commitment, so I had to decline.

After church, I took the 3 kids to Culvers [with most of Lake Pointe, as well. Seems to be the Saturday night LP’ers hot spot]. Took them to their house after dinner, got them ready for bed and they went to sleep fairly easy! I watched television until the parents came home around 11:45. The dad paid me and asked “Is $$$ amount good?” I said “Nooooo, way too much, I didn’t do anything!” which resulted in a slight lecture on capitalism and how we “had an agreement on the service you were providing”, etc. He’s stubborn and too nice. We talked for a little bit about africa and summer tans and dogs. Kind of an eclectic conversation, indeed. I love them!

Sunday – Lena called and invited me to go with her, her new friend James and Thomas to Shakespeare in the Park in Dallas. We planned to meet up at 6:00 in Rockwall for dinner and then go out there at 8:00.

We loaded in Thomas’ SUV… [which was probably a good thing, last time we headed to dallas resulted in an unecessary adventure].

Sidenote: For some reason, I really didn’t think to bring anything other than vitamin water [hydration! Hydration! Hydration?] and yet everyone else came prepared with ice chests, fans, blankets, chairs, fruit, etc. I brought bug spray and glow bracelets. And lemonade vitamin water [only to find out Thomas brought vitamin waters! What a friend!] All that to say, I’m glad I tagged along with them because the night would’ve been much less comfortable [and less enjoyable] without those very prepared friends!

After a taco cabana meal [and cute kids that wouldn’t stop staring], we headed down 30 while initiating James into the group by grilling the poor thing about his views on alcohol, women’s role in the church and embarassing stories. [the best “get to know you” questions]. Safe to say, he passed.

The night was filled with a lot of laughter, sarcastic comments, inhebriated fellow watchers [which provided bonus entertainment], water mister-fans, rasberries, strong winds and ugly betty.

All in all, good night.

look, a cold front!

2008-08-01T12:53:00.003-05:00

his grace is sufficient for me

2008-07-31T11:21:00.000-05:00

“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.” [Anne Lamont]

random fact about me #1.

2008-07-28T19:18:00.002-05:00

clowns give me the creeps. as of today, clowns with starbucks really give me the creeps.

yep. that's right. there's something about a grown man with face paint on, large shoes and a constant smile that makes me a little nauseous.

monday was a normal day [famous last words?], staff meetings, hole punches, labels and weekend letters defined this monday morning. the afternoon took a pretty drastic [i exaggerate] turn.

i was downstairs, juuuust minding my own business. me with the laminator and my ipod when i hear a faint [through joan jett, thanks ipod] knock on the [already open] door. i turn around, puzzled... when i see polka dots. *pause for dramatic effect* a man clown swoops around the door and says cheerfully "well, hello there!" he says before taking a gulp of his starbucks [tall]. "uhheeehhhuhhh, hiiiiyaaa..?" says elizabeth. "i'mma looking for the ark"... i did a double take as i pictured noah and animals marching two by two.

i'm sure my face gave him a slight clue as to what i was thinking. "whaaeehhhuhhhh?" i managed to mutter profoundly [i am literate, if you had any doubt].

somehow i managed to figure out that he was looking for an organization called "A.R.C." [ark], because he was the entertainment. he says "association for the retarded citizens". i nod and smile [what i do often during awkward situations]. finally, he walks in the right direction and i go back to what i'm doing. the rest of my afternoon was occupied by a goofy grin.

i think God has an amazing sense of humor.

[extraordinary]

2008-07-23T08:27:00.001-05:00

"Love without courage and wisdom is sentimentality, as with the ordinary church member. Courage without love and wisdom is foolhardiness, as with the ordinary soldier. Wisdom without love and courage is cowardice, as with the ordinary intellectual. But the one who has love, courage, and wisdom moves the world."

-Ammon Hennacy [Catholic activist 1893-1970]

friday, the 18th.

2008-07-20T14:51:00.000-05:00

Friday night, I picked up a friend [Thomas] for his birthday dinner [a month late], and some other friends rode with us, too. [kyla, lena and Katie]

Sidenote: I drive a buick, and I love it. I think it has a lot of character for a car. =]

I’ve been told being a passenger in “the buick” [that’s its name, by the way] is definitely an adventure. I’m not sure if that’s because they’re trying to tell me [in love] that I’m a bad driver, or if it’s the fact that I tailgate [says my father] or maybe it’s just because I’m a joy to be around and I make life fun [I’m going to keep telling myself it’s the latter]. Whatever the cause, Friday the 18th… the buick provided and adventure for all of us.

And I’m not just talking about singing along to n’sync and ashlee simpson, by the way [not katy perry or lil’ wayne].

So we’re driving down close to Greenville and mockingbird… and the buick is not happy. I don’t know how to explain what was happening, but I think it even growled at me.

Sidenote #2: I’m so not a car person… by any means. [for example, I once told someone that “my car battery died, but I’m not sure why. I didn’t leave the windshield wipers on or anything” and was totally serious].

So we end up calling some friends that were meeting us there [aaron and Christina] and they came and picked us up [you guys are amazing!] so they pull up a little while later in aaron’s little ford focus.

5 people in the buick + 2 people in the focus = 7 people in the lil’ ford focus. [how many white people can fit in a focus?]. I’m just going to let that soak in for a minute.

After that 5 minute drive [that turned into probably 10-15, because directions are not really our strong suit] we’re practically all related now.

So we get to our destination [the cheesecake factory. About 40 minutes later than our intended arrival time. Poor Matt and Emilie we’re there at 7!] we have dinner and rush to amc 30 to see dark knight [ohhh, my goodness, so good. And seeing Heath was not nearly as creepy as I thought it would be]. After the movie, Katie’s friend came and picked us up [at like 1:00am, what a friend!] and drove us back to rockwall.

All in all, fun night.

So Saturday morning, my dad and I went to go check on the buick. He prepared me for the worst… saying “in this part of town, I’m not sure if it will be in once piece”, but thankfully it was fine!

Actually, he checked out everything [um. Everything meaning… oil and filter type things.. refer to sidenote number two] and he said “it seems fine!”, I could almost hear the buick laughing at me as we drove it all the way home to Rowlett. It was fine!

selfish, selfish me.

2008-07-15T13:28:00.002-05:00

So I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve become pretty selfish. Selfish with my time, money and energy lately.

I’ve nestled into this ordinary american comfort zone and, as much as I like it here, I find myself wanting the uncomfortable. A challenge, maybe? Maybe to get more organized and “together” [like that’s possible] and revaluate what I spend my time and energy focusing on.

A bible study I take part in recently discussed a few chapters in Luke where Jesus was anointed by the “least of these”. The “sinful woman” or the “immoral woman” was what she was known as [I wish she had a name other than that]. She had little to nothing and the main thing in her posession worth anything [an alabaster jar filled with expensive perfume] was what she anointed Jesus’ feet with. This was something she used in her… um… profession, apparently. The Pharisee witnessed this “immoral woman” anointing His feet with the oil, and he began to doubt. He thought to himself “If this man were really a prophet, he would know what kind of woman is touching him!” and Jesus answered his thoughts [OUT LOUD! More proof of His soveriegnty!]. I must say, I thought Jesus’ reply was “zzzziiiinnng!” worthy. [Luke 7:40]

What convicted me about this story was... yes, this woman was sinful [aren’t we all?] but she showed humility [by anointing his feet] and reverance despite the mockers and the people who doubted her sincerity. She was willing to give up everything [her perfume was rare and costly. Something she thought she needed to get by] to show humility and love for her Father. As much as I tend to deny It, I do get so caught up in the “Things of this world” when my focus should be on glorifying the Lord.

Someone recently said that I have an “old soul” [which made me laugh out loud, because “old soul” denotes wisdom, and I have a heard time believing I have any wisdom at all to impart on anyone]. Just shy of age 20, I do feel old, though. Growing up is a weird thing. Having responsibilities, and places to be and people to see and things to do… weddings and baby showers to attend [without being the guest of my mom. Being the actual person invited is surreal].

I need to be better at time & money management. Time, especially. I’ve neglected my family a lot lately, just because of how full my schedule tends to get… [not that I’m complaining, I enjoy being busy… but I need to take better care of my relationships within my own family]. This current realization has caused me to be more thankful for my immediate family… and how, no matter how selfish I am, they are on the frontlines willing to offer insight and encouragement.

Mary J. Blige - Forever No More Poem Lyrics

2008-06-13T08:56:00.002-05:00

No more invisible speechless, deaf and blind child
With neglected pleasures being addicted to denial
Floating through time, gravitating towards a warm arm
With an appetite for the emptiness that promises no harm
No more uncontrollable eruptions of emotional depression
A primal S.O.S. from the barren prison of selfless expression
that only the guilty with the innocent
Souls-know buried in social scar tissue of defective ego
No more relentless sifting through bodies seeking self
Settling through competitive combat for what's left on the shelf.
A mad melee of supply and demand driven by gullible pride that
leads to sedating the you that suffocates inside
No more - forever no more - because I've unshout my eyes
And the differences between God's word and Man's Wills was realized
Seeing opposing parallel lives some liquid, other frozen.
Let me to never seek from man what God has chosen.
Then the negative whispering subsided and the panicking ceased
the undercurrent suppression of pent-up terror was released as the
mystery of the unknown manifested pristine clear
A positive messageof trught entered my ear
Now, across my face is a brand new smile
With a newly revealed meaning of a "Destiny Child"
A message of hope is being released from my Heart
And I am overwhelmed with dedication to do my part
All I ever wanted was to be as I once was - Unbounded
Somehow it got all twisted and before long sounded
As though life was continuous connive-thrive-drive
Choking out the simple joy of just being alive
Now I am filled with love and I sing a love song
A song for yesterday, today, tomorrow, and beyond
My new prayer is - Thank You God for setting Me Free
And Thank You God - For Giving Me back Me

to look on Him and pardon me

2008-06-12T13:09:00.005-05:00

“How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of Heaven’s armies. I long, yes, I faint with longing to enter the courts of the Lord. With my whole being, body and soul, I will shout joyfully to the living God.” Psalms 84:1-2

What has convicted me lately [well, for awhile, actually] about my life… is how much joy seems to be lacking. I have so much to be thankful for – and yet, I’m not “shouting joyfully [every day. In all circumstances.] to the living God.” In Nigeria, I visited a few different orphanages. The children there had nothing of earthly value. Many of them had family that has disowned them and threatened [sometimes attempted] to kill them. Despite how little they had – they were full of joy. They had “nothing” [at least, compared to the world’s definition/standard of “nothing”] and yet they had so much to be thankful for. They were not merely content with their life, they were full of joy due to the Lord’s sovereignty and grace.

I pray that the Lord would show me how to be joyful despite my silly worries and wants… so that I may be a reflection of His love, His grace, His deliverance, and His mercy.

Soli Deo Gloria.

though none go with me

2008-06-10T15:50:00.005-05:00

So I've heard it said that we should follow our dreams and passions etc... but to what extent? I've been really looking at my life lately and I feel like I'm going in a different direction than my heart wants to go.

I really don't want a shallow life. I believe God has a purpose for my life and I want to live it out. I keep thinking that I would rather die as a missionary or martyr or something aged 30 knowing [as cliche as it sounds] my life had purpose. I have a sense of what I'm called to do and it will probably include the disadvantaged or Africa.

It feels very selfish to say... but on one hand, I'm tired of my "comfort zone", on the other hand I question whether or not I'm willing [and equipped] to follow HIM... despite my fears and questions? Then again, God does not call the already equipped, He equips the called and willing.

I've been questioning lately whether or not the Lord really wants me in America, or if my longing to go back to Africa is in His plan. I don't want to overanalyze the situation, but then again.. I don't want to begin something like this without being certain this is the Lord leading my decision, and not my own desires leading it. Honestly, Africa is where I find my joy. I could see myself being involved in Africa full time. I'm hesitant to verbalize that, only because my selfishness and earthly wants do get in the way at times. I'm the type of person that analyzes most every situation. People have asked me "If you love Africa so much, then why don't you go? Go now!" and it sounds so simple, but for me, it's not. I can't make a decision without looking at all of the facts and figures.

So this "blog" will be probably alot of nonsense ramblings with some stories from Africa thrown in for good measure.